1. You buy a tag for 99¢ and attach it to your reusable shopping bag.
2. Every time you give that bag to the checkout clerk to use instead of a plastic bag, the clerk scans the bar code on the tag, which rings up as a special free purchase on your receipt.
3. Every fourth time you use the tag, you get $1 in ExtraBucks (obviously, this means that you have to be a member of the CVS ExtraCare rewards program).

Wow, 25¢ each time you reuse a bag sounds like a really great deal, right?  It’s much better than the comparable deal offered by our local Stop & Shop (5¢ per bag) or Whole Foods (10¢).  Only here’s what actually happened when I tried to buy and use a couple of the tags for the first time at my neighborhood CVS:

1. Since I was planning on buying about two bags worth of stuff, I brought two reusable shopping bags with me to CVS.
2. At the checkout, I took two of the Green Bag Tags off of the display rack and asked the clerk to ring them up first.
3. I removed them from their cardboard backing, put them onto the handles of my bags, handed the bags to the clerk, and asked her to scan the tags and use those bags instead of plastic ones.
4. Pandemonium ensued.

The clerk had no idea what I was talking about.  She had absolutely no idea what the tags were, no idea that CVS was offering any sort of promotion to encourage people to reuse bags, and absolutely no idea what I was talking about when I asked her to scan the tags on the bags.  She was also seemingly rather confused that the reusable bags I had asked her to use were Stop & Shop bags, although this obviously was completely irrelevant.

I tried to explain to her how this was supposed to work.  I showed her the cardboard backing from the tags, which explains clearly what they’re for and that the clerk is supposed to scan the tag when using a customer’s reusable tag.  None of this did any good.

She got on the PA system and called an assistant manager to the front of the store.  By this point, the line behind me was starting to grow, and I was starting to debate internally between throwing in the towel for the sake of the other waiting people, and seeing it through to the end on principle.

A couple minutes later, the assistant manager showed up.  The clerk explained the situation to her.  Then I explained the situation to her.  Neither did any good — she was just as clueless as the original clerk.  After a few minutes of this, she threw in the towel and went into the back to get the store manager.

Meanwhile, I was starting to worry about the possibility of riots.  Finally, the store manager came out and set the clerk and assistant manager straight.

Gee, do ya think maybe a little training would have been in order before starting to sell the tags?

By the way, for those of you who are interested in taking advantage of this promotion, there’s an important fact you should know that wasn’t completely clear from the Consumerist posting.  You’re only allowed to scan one tag per household (i.e., ExtraCare account) per day, so don’t bother buying multiple tags even if you plan on using multiple reusable bags at a time (aha! now we understand how they can offer 25¢ instead of 5¢ or 10¢!).  Apparently, CVS has smarter promotion designers than Wachovia.

At least, we did until recently, when the Jumbo packs suddenly disappeared from the shelves, leaving only the smaller “Mega” size, whose per-diaper cost is 11% higher.

After noticing that there were no Jumbo packs in two separate visits to CVS, I asked the night supervisor what was up.  She said that if there were still prices for the Jumbo packs on the shelf, then they were just out of stock, but if the prices had been removed from the shelf, then they’d been discontinued.  I went back to the shelf and checked, and indeed the prices of the Jumbo packs were gone from the shelf.

I went home and sent a complaint to CVS through their Web site.  I explained that we buy the larger packs to save money, that we spend over $500 per year on diapers, and that if they don’t bring back the Mega packs, we’ll have no choice but to stop buying diapers from CVS.

 Today, I got back this incredible response from a CVS district manager:

Mr. Kamens,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us in regards to the availability of the “Mega” pack size of diapers. We have in fact discontinued the “Mega” pack size of diapers however; they are being replaced by the box count diapers which is an even better value than the Mega size. Unfortunately this product will not be available until the beginning of October. In the mean time I would like to offer you the Jumbo Pack size diaper for the same per diaper price you were paying when purchasing the Mega size package. This would bring the price for the Jumbo pack to $10.79.

I will contact the store to make them aware of this. I would also suggest that you bring a copy of this email to authorize the sale price.

Also as a token of my apologies for the inconvenience I will be sending you out a $10.00 CVS Gift card and you should be receiving this in the next 7 – 10 days.

Nicely played, CVS!

Thank you for your e-mail regarding the Brighton, MA CVS/pharmacy location. I am able to help you with this matter.

Please accept my apology for the condition of our Exterior Grounds. I have contacted [name elided], District Manager and made him aware of your comments. He will address your concerns with the Store Manager and Staff to correct this from recurring. I hope that you will give CVS/pharmacy another chance to prove that we are dedicated to customer service.

Thank you once again for bringing this matter to our attention. Please contact me via email if you would like to speak with [name elided] directly. I look forward to hearing from you.

That’s a pretty good response!  What remains to be seen is if the sidewalk actually gets shoveled after the next snowfall.

Getting you folks to shovel the sidewalk next to your parking lot along Foster Street is like pulling teeth every single winter.  It shouldn’t be.  The sidewalk doesn’t move, or change, or grow, or shrink from year to year.  It’s going to be there every winter, which means that you’re going to have to shovel it every winter.  Stop violating Boston city ordinances and insulting your neighbors who have to use that sidewalk on a daily basis.  Shovel the damn sidewalk!